funshaped:

abbleremorse:

When I was like, 9 years old I thought sponfebob was attractive and sexy and I said I wanted to marry him and my dad frowned really hard af me and said ‘don’t say that’ then he got up and went to his room and shut the door

did he ever come out

extrasassylampshade:

dont-taunt-the-octopus:

me: [at work, ringing up two parents and their toddler who’s sitting in the cart trying to get their attention]

toddler, quietly, waving hands around: [incomprehensible]

mom: what?

toddler, even quieter: [incomprehensible]

dad: you gotta speak up, bud

toddler, at full volume: FUCK.

this actually made me laugh out loud

willshebemina:

movies where a creature of another species with a love for good food meets a mess of a human down on his luck living in a shitty apartment and the creature can control the guy’s action and he’s unwilling at first but they learn to cooperate and together they can stop the evil rich man trying to take them down

uglyodd:

my brain in times of crisis:

slimy:

mjalti:

only sexy bitches sit on kitchen counters that’s the law

amazoniankryptonian:

You call this “TMI.” I call it getting tips from the master.

808sandamenbreaks:

lalaithion:

mavenmemnon:

unexplained-events:

Reported Bigfoot Sightings

Can’t believe Bigfoot was looking at furry porn while reading Martha Stewart in an IHOP

marisatomay: